Gifts and Strengths of Three
We can look at the gifts and strengths of type Three with appreciation for the Threes in our life and as something we can develop in ourselves. Ideally, we want to have flexibility and be able to access the gifts and strengths of all nine personality types when they are called for in the situation.
The gifts and strengths of each type are found at the healthy levels of the personality. Here the person is closer to their essence and the gifts and strengths express the essential quality.
Success, Ambition
Threes accomplish a lot in life. They have the strength of setting goals and objectives for themselves and working hard to meet them. Threes want to be successful, however they define that, and in whatever environment they find themselves they will strive to be the best. This might be in the business world, but it could also be the best academic, the best musician, the best meditator, or anything they choose.
Threes are after personal, individual success. Although they work well in an organization, Threes will not blend in- they will climb the ladder. Threes are productive, competitive, and motivated to achieve.
The hallmark of type Three is someone who succeeds far beyond their roots or origins. Bill Clinton and Oprah are exemplars of Threes who have achieved success way beyond their childhood environments. While such Threes are extraordinary, it gives us the flavour of how Threes are generally oriented to aim high in their ambitions and how they accomplish so much.
Oprah’s sense of unlimited potential combined with her belief in taking personal responsibility shows us how Threes succeed “beyond expectation”- they don’t accept low expectations, they believe in themselves and they make it happen. The “self-made” label often applied to Oprah is true.
The mindset of healthy Threes is positive and empowered. Threes take responsibility for their destiny, they have the opposite of the “victim” standpoint.
Let’s look more closely at Oprah. Oprah had a difficult childhood which makes her incredible success even more amazing - her origins and rise are often described like a fairy tale; she is said to be “living proof that the American dream is alive and well”. Born the illegitimate daughter of a Mississippi sharecropper, Oprah overcame poverty, neglect, sexual abuse and racism to become one of the richest and most powerful women in the world.
Oprah’s life story is inspirational not just because of the worldly success she has achieved and what she has overcome. What’s even more inspirational is how she has used her platform to become a teacher and advocate for personal growth, healing and spirituality.
Oprah’s philosophy on success sheds light on the hard work and empowered mindset of the Three, but also the positive beliefs she had even as a child. Here are some quotes from Oprah- notice how she takes total responsibility for her life and focuses on her personal power, vision, and choices:
“I don't think of myself as a poor, deprived ghetto girl who made good. I think of myself as somebody who from an early age knew she was responsible for herself-and I had to make good.
Create the highest, grandest vision possible for your life, because you become what you believe.
The choice to be excellent begins with aligning your thoughts and words with the intention to require more from yourself.
Understand that the right to choose your own path is a sacred privilege. Use it. Dwell in possibility.”
The “Power of Positive Thinking” has been around since Norman Vincent Peale’s famous book was published in 1952. A modern version of positive thinking is the central teaching of Tony Robbins, also a Three. His definition speaks directly to thinking positive regardless of circumstances: “The power of positive thinking is the ability to generate a feeling of certainty in yourself when nothing in the environment supports you”.
Robbins says that “making the impossible possible” begins with positive thinking but also requires persistence, goal setting and “massive, determined action”. Here are some of his quotes on success:
The only thing that’s keeping you from getting what you want is the story you keep telling yourself.
Your past does not equal your future.
Identify your problems, but give your power and energy to solutions.
Any time you sincerely want to make a change, the first thing you must do is to raise your standards.
Setting goals is the first step in turning the invisible into the visible.
If you talk about it, it’s a dream. If you envision it, it’s possible. If you schedule it, it’s real.
Tony Robbins methods have certainly resulted in his own success- here is how he describes himself on his website: GLOBAL ENTREPRENEUR, INVESTOR, NY TIMES #1 BEST SELLING AUTHOR, PHILANTHROPIST, AND THE WORLD’S #1 LIFE AND BUSINESS STRATEGIST.
If you have never watched a Tony Robbins event go online and see how he inspires and pumps up huge groups of people. There is also a good documentary about him called “I Am Not Your Guru”. Robbins exudes pure Three energy and “unleashes” it in others.
This relates to the gift Threes have for inspiring others. Because Threes don’t play small, they invite others to play a bigger game. Threes are good at seeing the potential in others and building them up. They can be great leaders who call forth everyone to be their best. Probably you felt this inspirational energy when you read Oprah’s words and thought about her life.
Remember The Little Engine that Could?
Confidence, Self-Esteem
Closely related to their success is the natural self-confidence of Threes. Threes believe in themselves and their abilities. They are willing to take risks and try things because they believe they will succeed. The belief you can succeed is the definition of self-confidence: “an individual’s trust in his or her own abilities, capacities, and judgments, or belief that he or she can successfully face day to day challenges and demands”.
Threes have this natural “can-do” self-confidence that they are capable and can handle challenges. And self-confidence builds by handling challenges, so there is a positive cycle that is initiated by having confidence in the first place. This building of confidence by successfully meeting difficult life experiences is what we call resilience, a quality recognized as being important to mental health, especially in children and youth.
Resilience is part of the strength of Three- they persist and adapt to challenging circumstances and don’t give up.
Self-esteem is related to self-confidence but refers more to our inner sense of worth – how we feel about ourselves. Self-esteem usually means how we think we are doing compared to others and compared to our own “shoulds”. In this sense, self-esteem is like a rating system that can go up and down and we can feel buffeted around. Especially young people suffer from this painful comparison, how they feel about themselves can go wildly up and down based on circumstances- how they think they look, whether they are popular and so on. Social media has made this much worse as everyone presents a false image of how well they are doing.
But adults also have this harsh inner voice we call the Inner Critic, and we all do some kind of constant comparing of ourselves with others and with our “shoulds” that can leave us feeling badly about ourselves.
The importance of self-esteem has become a powerful idea in modern times. One “positive psychology” website says “the self-esteem movement has swept through Western culture over the past 50 years, with parents and teachers alike doubling down on the idea that improving children’s self-confidence will lead to improved performance, and a more successful life in general”.
If you look up self-esteem online, you will find a deluge of information. Low self-esteem is associated with anxiety, depression, eating disorders, poor personal boundaries, relationship issues, job performance problems and more. You will also find lots of resources for improving self-esteem- tips, affirmations, and other suggestions.
This kind of self-evaluation is something healthy Threes manage well. They have the gift of healthy self-esteem and feeling good about themselves - part confidence, part belief that they are doing well and part comparing themselves favourably to others. Basically, anything in life goes better with healthy self-esteem so the way that Threes believe in themselves and have high self-regard is clearly a life strength.
But there is another understanding of how we can better relate to ourselves captured by words like self-acceptance, self-compassion, and self-love. This can be a kind, fair and realistic acceptance of ourselves, including our errors and failures; recognizing that we are only human. It can also go beyond any sort of self-evaluation.
Dr Kristin Neff is well known for promoting and teaching self-compassion. She argues that society’s obsession with chasing self-esteem has caused a lot of damage and created more narcissism because it is based on feeling “better than” or superior to others. Everyone can’t be above average. Neff’s approach of mindful self-compassion is to “give ourselves the same kindness and care we’d give to a good friend”.
We might say that Threes do not find this kind of self-acceptance and self-compassion any more easily than the rest of us. This is because, at the level of personality, Threes push themselves and base their confidence and self-esteem on favourable self-evaluation and the results they achieve. There is a harshness in having to compete and be the “best” that Threes can suffer from, as we will see later. On a spiritual level, Threes, and the Three in all of us, need to return to knowing their preciousness and essential value just for Being. Neff’s mindful self-compassion is much more likely to help us get there.
Let’s just say that, in the meantime while we work on self-compassion, having a good dose of healthy self-esteem is helpful in life and a gift of Threes.
Effective, Pragmatic
We can look at how Threes go about accomplishing their goals to understand more about their strengths. Yes, they work hard for success, but there is also an effectiveness to their method.
Threes have a practical approach – they will do what works. They are pragmatists. Another way this is often described is being “results oriented”. Threes go for the bottom line. They are adaptable and will do what is needed in the situation. This makes them effective and efficient.
Threes would rather jump in and get going than debate how to do something. They will say they “learn by doing”. They will use trial and error. Threes could have written the Nike motto “Just Do It”.
We have all heard of “paralysis by analysis”- the criticism of over-thinking, over-planning when trying to achieve a result. We can also think of how bureaucracy is portrayed to get the flavour of demotivation and inefficiency. This is not a Three culture.
Being pragmatic is usually contrasted with being intellectual or idealistic. The “ivory tower” where academics debate ideas is associated with getting nowhere in practice. In this context, the strength of pragmatism is that it gets results, it gets going and tests out solutions rather than analyzing in theory. In business and organizational development theory pragmatism is recognized as having a real advantage.
Success often results from the practical approach of a pragmatic person who will get going without waiting for others. This “practical personality” fits with how Threes can initiate action and go it alone. From this perspective, those with more interpersonal skills can be focusing on people and a process that does not prioritize results.
Although it’s possible to get in trouble by being too quick and too pragmatic, if we reflect on how we can get bogged down in our work and life with procrastination, over thinking, being risk averse and so on, we can appreciate the energy of the Three who just wants to get going and do whatever works.
Charisma
Here is a fun strength of Threes- they have a quality of personal magnetism or charisma. They attract attention and charm others.
Researchers have tried to measure charisma and break it down into components that can be learned. For example, a communication style that uses anecdote, metaphor and storytelling is associated with charisma. So is projecting confidence. Threes may naturally have more of these qualities. But no one has been able to define or measure the “secret sauce” of charisma.
It’s possible that because they want to be admired, Threes are more sensitive to the response of others and more aware of what image is the best to project in any context. They put effort into charming and winning people over. This combination of sensitivity and charm could be what draws people in and underlies the “power to attract attention”.
It’s not necessary to be physically attractive to have charisma but it may be a component. Did you know that appearance affects income? These factors have all been correlated with higher income (notwithstanding that it is illegal, discriminatory, and just plain horrible)- being taller, thinner, blonde, looking fit, wearing make-up, and generally being attractive. Even election results show that more attractive candidates win more often. Attractiveness even affects how well we are rated starting in school by teachers. We might try to change this sad fact, but for now let’s consider the Three approach of making the best of our appearance as a fun skill.
Threes put effort into their appearance- they present a polished image, dress well and put their best foot forward. Think about the idea “Dress for Success”. This sort of career advice may reflect something that Threes do naturally.
Advice from HuffPost:
“Dress for the role you want. Keep your look fresh and up-to-date. Remember, you are the top representative and spokesperson for your brand. Your personal appearance has a great effect on your income opportunities. You have to consistently keep your image fresh to continue to grow your business. Dress for where you want to go, not just where you are. What do people in higher positions wear? Observe, and follow their lead. To upgrade your look might cost a little more than what you usually spend on clothes. However, it's better to pay a little more for the image you really want to project.”
It certainly looks good on Ryan Gossling.
This is fun, but something less quantifiable is true. Can we say that a magnetic energy can shine through a person and that this is part of what draws us to them?
Muhammad Ali- a charismatic Three.
Time for a Makeover?
People of different personality types can have charisma, but healthy Threes seem to naturally cover the formula- display confidence, project an attractive appearance and charm others- and they may have the unknowable magnetic quality too.
