Difficulties & Challenges of Seven
Scattered, Juggling, “What’s Next”
As they become less healthy under stress, Sevens ramp up their activity with a “what’s next” energy. Sevens usually recognize that they don’t like to be “bored” or feel “trapped”. This is the feeling underlying the urge to keep moving. When they are less healthy, they can feel bored or trapped easily.
Recall that Sevens have a characteristic way of thinking- thinking about the future, planning what’s next, what’s called “anticipatory thinking” by Riso-Hudson. In their busy minds they can begin to be constantly thinking about what’s next and have trouble staying in the present moment. At its worst it may feel like manic, overly excited energy and a sort of frustrated impatience.
The difficulty becomes that the pleasure, fun or happiness that the Seven is seeking is lost by already anticipating the next thing. Out at a restaurant for dinner they may be planning what movie to go see. With a friend for coffee, they may be texting another friend to meet later. The inability to settle and stay put to enjoy what’s happening means that the desired happiness is elusive, it remains in the future.
“Stress is caused by being ‘here’ but wanting to be ‘there’.”
This anticipating and moving on to what’s next can make the Seven scattered and unfocused- they may have trouble finishing what they started and have way too much on the go. Juggling their many interests and activities may become too much to manage. Now what was the gift of being multi-talented and versatile is more of a problem- being overly busy, spread too thin and failing to complete what they took on. It’s been suggested that the average Seven should cut a third of what’s on their calendar.
Overconsuming
Sevens can have difficulty with excessive consumption- this might be food, drink, drugs, sex, material goods, experiences, or anything they have an appetite for or want.
The Vice of Seven is Gluttony. This is the unhealthy Seven energy of wanting more, over consuming, and never being satisfied. Mick Jagger, probably a Seven, said it best: I can't get no satisfaction.
You could say that chasing happiness through consumption is the condition of our modern society. Most of us, fortunate to live in the land of plenty, have experienced this filling ourselves with stuff that is excessive. But Sevens when they are unhealthy can really get in trouble here- what starts out as fun and exciting can become addictive and create problems in their lives.
While it is impossible to know and understand the complex inner life of someone, we can contemplate the public story of Anthony Bourdain as an archetypal unhealthy Seven story. Larger than life and much loved, Bourdain gave us a window into a life of adventure, exotic world travel, food, and fun- and he did not hide the problems he had with drugs, alcohol, and addiction.
Morgan Neville, director of the film Roadrunner about Bourdain, said: “He had impostor syndrome; he always felt like it could all go away. But I think, even more than that, the reason he kept moving was just the hope that the next thing was going to make him happy, or it was going to solve something in his life.” The genius and glory of Bourdain epitomized the gift for adventure of Seven. But we know he didn’t find the happiness he was seeking. Bourdain wrote this sad e-mail to a friend not long before his suicide: “Dude, this is a crazy thing to ask, but I’m curious and my life is sort of shit now. You are successful, and I am successful, and I’m wondering: Are you happy?”
The connection between consumption and happiness is something we often experience- a great meal, a trip, a perfect experience, can make us happy. But the unhealthy Seven teaches us that more is not better.
Gluttony has the deeper meaning of trying to fill an inner wound or hole with stuff, something we know doesn’t work. Like giving candy to a crying child, it might work temporarily but it misses the mark of what we really need. Learning to stay, to be present, and to enjoy simple pleasures is the recovery journey of Seven. The “chasing” for happiness is then relieved with finding gratitude, satisfaction, and happiness in the moment. This is Sobriety- the Virtue of Seven.
Remember Mick Jagger also sang: “You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometime you'll find, you get what you need.”
Avoidance, “Pollyanna”
We have seen that the Seven strategy of trying to be happy and future-oriented is really a way to avoid feeing deprived or in pain. When Sevens become less healthy or more constricted, their level of needing to avoid anything painful intensifies. This may be true in the big picture- they may leave jobs, situations, relationships and so on rather than address problems- and in the moment when the less healthy Seven may literally leave the room if a situation becomes too difficult.
On a superficial level, Sevens avoidance can show up as false positivity. Being overly or blindly optimistic is sometimes called being a Pollyanna. While seeing the silver lining or making the best of a bad situation is a strength, it can be a way of avoiding problems. “Let’s play the Glad Game”, Pollyanna’s approach in the book and movie can be grating. Why is this? Because we sense the underlying denial of reality. Putting a positive “spin” on something is very widespread today- we know we prefer the truth when we get real.
On a deeper level, avoidance of pain creates problems in life. Life is hard. It has many challenges, losses, and difficulties. We have seen with other personality types that there is strength in being able to be present in the dark, to be able to be with the pain of loss and be with our suffering. The “dark night of the soul” is part of our development as humans. This ability to stay with suffering is something Seven needs to learn.
The difficulties in life created by avoidance for the unhealthy Seven may not be easy to recognize because they appear to be having a good time. Sevens can have a “Peter Pan” quality- they often seem young at heart and can be slow to settle down in life. Moving from New York to Malibu to Paris can seem like a problem-free approach to life until consequences show up. Loved ones may be affected if the Seven is absent when their presence is needed. Leaving problems in their wake, Sevens may hit the wall only when it finally becomes unavoidable.
Consider how the “grass is greener” approach and moving on instead of facing difficulties in life, ties together your understanding of Seven. The whole gestalt of Seven- wanting to be happy and pursuing fun and pleasure, having trouble staying put, anticipating and planning, and how this arises from the unconscious fear that they can’t depend on others and need to make sure their own needs are met. When Sevens, and the Seven in all of us, learn to be present and enjoy simple happiness in the moment they reconnect to their natural gift for joy, fun and play. Perhaps paradoxically, it is being able to be present to everything including pain and difficulty that opens the door to the true joy of the moment.
I
Do not
Want to step so quickly
Over a beautiful line on God's palm
As I move through the earth's
Marketplace
Today.
I do not want to touch any object in this world
Without my eyes testifying to the truth
That everything is
My Beloved.
Something has happened
To my understanding of existence
That now makes my heart always full of wonder
And kindness.
I do not
Want to step so quickly
Over this sacred place on God's body
That is right beneath your
Own foot
As I
Dance with
Precious life
Today.
~Hafiz
